Please note the information and tips provided in this blog are based on the experience of the contributor, disability awareness consultant and disabled man, Drew Gurza as he discusses which stretches he feels might work for people, as well as which stretches have worked for him in the past. The advice within is not expert medical or therapeutic advice, and we recommend that you speak with your healthcare team including your Occupational Therapist and Physical Therapist to determine if these types of activities make sense for you!
We’re almost two months into the new year and we all know what that means, right? It’s time to start following through on your long list of resolutions. The Handi team started looking around on the internet for the sexiest resolutions and quickly realized quickly none of them speak to the experience of sex and disability, nor were they inclusive of people with disabilities or chronic illness. And so, we thought: Why not create our own list of New Year’s resolutions that are sexy, hot and most importantly, actually accessible. Let’s get started!
For the first instalment, we found a lot of sex blogs advising people that they should stretch before sex to get limber and promote good circulation prior to any play. Many blogs even suggested that yoga poses might be helpful. But what if you are someone who lives with a chronic pain condition, or you are a wheelchair user who can’t easily adapt downward dog in your wheelchair, what then? Fear not, because we have some answers for you that will get you all hot & Handi in 2021.
1. Wheelchair Yoga & Mindfulness
If you are a wheelchair user, no matter if you’re using a power wheelchair or a manual one, you can participate in wheelchair yoga. If you are in a manual chair and have more trunk control, you may be able to do more of the physical exercises yourself, like bending to reduce stiffness and work on things like breath control. If you are unable to physically do this and are in a power chair like me, remember that Yoga is also about peace of mind, connectedness and spirituality. This means that you don’t even have to move to stretch for better sex in 2021, you can connect to the thought and create a mantra. If you are unable to physically move, you can imagine yourself stretching out the parts of your body that you use for sex; your hands, your legs and your hips. While doing this you can say things like, “I am a beautiful, sexy person, and I am going to have the best disabled sex this year” as a mantra for yourself. While it isn’t exactly a physical stretch, you are creating a mindset around great disabled sex, and you are helping to bring that into being, no matter what it looks like for you.
2. Fingering Fun
For many of us with physical disabilities, so much of the sexual experience is a tactile one reliant on the ability to touch our partners with our hands, as many of the more involved positions are inaccessible to us. I remember when I took physical therapy classes for my Cerebral Palsy, how annoying I thought it was to have to do these repetitive hand exercises that were designed to strengthen my fingers. I absolutely hated it, and thought it was so unnecessary, but looking back on it I realize that these exercises might be very helpful for solo play or partner play. In order to perform these stretches, here’s what I do:
- As best I can, touch tips of each of my fingers to my thumb and hold them there for 5 seconds with each finger, kind of like I am playing an invisible piano on my hand.
- I try to do 5 sets on each hand, as I was able.
It was quite repetitive, but I found that a stretch like this can strengthen your fingers and it helped me with spasticity. For me, loosening spasticity in the hands is helpful for things like fingering, masturbating your partner or yourself, grabbing your partner’s hot ass during a moment of passion and so much more. So tuneup that invisible piano, so you can tickle more than just ivories.
3. Laying Prone Before Sex
As a power wheelchair user with a bunch of contractures and muscle stiffness as a result of Cerebral Palsy, I understand how difficult it is sometimes to go from my regular sitting position to a laying down position, or change position quickly during sex. It can hurt like crazy and makes sex way less enjoyable. One of the things that has worked for me is lying prone on your stomach to stretch out your limbs, and loosen things up. Now, you may want to get your attendant to help you with this one, or your partner if they're available.
- Lay on your stomach on a bed or the floor with your tummy as flat as it will go, and your knees as flat as they will go without pain. I sometimes do this for 20-30 minutes prior to sex.
- Take some deep breaths while doing this, and try to relax into your disabled body. In my experience, laying on your stomach in a prone position will help all the muscle contractures relax, and may make it easier for you to move (or be moved) during sex.
When I used to do this as part of my physiotherapy regime, I remember leaving this position feeling completely relaxed and calm. The relaxed feeling you have after laying prone might help you get in the mood quicker without having to worry about pain you may experience. Also, for some people with disabilities, being on the stomach is the easiest way to have pentrative sex, so this position could make that transition easier.
We understand that these 3 techniques may not work for every disabled person out there, but we wanted to offer them as more accessible alternatives so that you can have better disabled sex and pleasure in 2021.
If you have any stretches or positions that work for you, be sure to let us know by reaching out to GetInTouch@thatshandi.co or DM us on Instagram at @thatshandi